i have zombie moments;
i sit for hours, staring at the lights imperfectly hung: too paralyzed to even sip from the strong, now cold, cup of coffee laying in my clammy hands.
i stare unfocused at the screen of my phone—- waiting for his inevitable call, but jumping at every other text or notification that would light up the phone.
__time goes by, I have begun to move at half pace, steady, trying to keep moving at all
Occasionally, more than not- i feel old.
My body feels old, I feel so oh so cold.
Cold to the things around me, numb to the core.
But when I’m thinking baby, about the fire you light within my soul.
The world around me gets warm, it thaws, it doesn’t feel doled.
I like to feel your skin softly, even the roughest parts get me weak.
When your mouth skims my ear now, I like to hear it when you speak.
Even if I can’t make out what you’re saying, those parts, they just fucking get me weak.
I don’t want to lose the flame, but I lie here & i’m left.
Alone, so deep in thought – – my being is so bereft.
Need to find a way now, to keep my self absorbed.
engaged
in-cored.
Although it’s the healthy option, I don’t want to feel so well alone.
Need the presence daily, in every single form.
don’t pray for comfort, neither in life exist. don’t speak out loud, your feelings- they’ll be missed.
disregard the lights now & don’t waste your time on me. ill hold your face so close, now. But go down, way down on me. I like the way I tremble, grab me grab me. crawl up to my lips now, you’re so supple and taste so sweet. no walls, or maybe there’s one here, my eyes go right across it, ignore it, ignore it, sorry dear.
keep quiet, lie down, don’t think. trace my fingers along your skin as you sink, further into the mattress, each trace, my mouth follows with a kiss, I swallow your soul slowly, goodnight, rest easy, this is the closest you’ll ever be to pure bliss.
But it’s killing me.
the traces I have left in my head.
But they’re killing me.
dreams absorbing every ounce as I lay in bed
I awake in tears once again, the overbearing thoughts spilling out of my head. Nightmares are a thing now, and they are feeling forever real.
I sit up each time now; deep breath, to make sure I can feel. I rest my gentle head back down, swallowing wholey as I try to compose. The last thing I remember is him crawling through my window.
The cold radiates around my face from my pillow, it feels as good as you. Lie underneath the wing now, please hold onto me like you do.
It’s the same setting, a little less quiet, more room.
Afraid to shut my eyes now, lightly lift my body to lean up, your voice radiates in my head now, lie back down, it’s okay. That’s enough.
you to just let it go & for you to just let it flow.
it just lingers and lingers.
But it just lingers and lingers.
I could hit this, full speed ahead.
It just lingers and lingers.
my skin & your fingers.
gripping waist line, things will be just fine.
slowly whisper thee words along my ear.
just fine.
all good.
I’m here, okay?
understood.
but really there was never a pt 1.
no one needs a pt 1 to see where they are coming from.
no ONE needs to see the past to see what you’ve become.
not ONE single soul needs to make your legs quiver and your lips shiver, just this ONE.
but really there was never a pt. 1.
just let me see your eyes roll.
just let me see your eyes roll.
don’t go.
don’t leave me all alone.
You’ve managed to dive in.
There’s much more to dwindle in.
No one feels me like you do.
Skin scent traces the patterns of my chest, reminiscence of your touch is left.
Drive by… Drive by again. Let’s keep this vicious cycle rolling until it’s time to actually begin.
“..they look pure and beautiful the way they are though.”
don’t you sweat
fret, even when the feelings gone.
he’ll come around, but you
shouldn’t wait that long.
you’re greater than hot water baby.
you’re greater than any other baby.
don’t ya fret
even when the feelings gone.
he’ll come around, but
you shouldn’t wait that long.
hushohhush 